shmoodiver wrote:

thorg wrote:

shmoodiver wrote:i have had it the other way around... when i said something about it to some of the people in my life i was laughed at.
was pretty damn oppressive and resulted in violence, yet when it went too far i was the one who was blamed.

Yep, that sounds pretty much like all victims of abuse. Hate to point this out, but you are not special, what you have just said there is what it is like for women also (in many cases).

i accept that thorg, i just hate the fact that soooooo many seem tho think it only works the other way around and are so nonchalant and dismissive when it is the bloke who is abused, even to the point of ridicule.

i haven't been in a relationship for 8 years since taking my daughter away from that shit and i still doubt myself and my trust in others.

In this thread is the first time I have hinted at that part of my life. I am probably the least violent person you will ever meet - I run from every conflict, fast. I joke about winning all my fights by 100m, but its actually pretty accurate. I dont even use the car horn against other motorists FFS. Which is why I hate the arguement "men are bigger" - it's crap, it's willingness to make another human suffer that matters (whether physical/mental - whatever).

Though you are right, society veiws men who are abused as weak, and women who are abused as victims (generally). Yep - I was weak because I refused to fight back We need to start seeing those who dont fight back as the 'strong' ones, ones who dont decend into violence - and support them to get out and get help. Until we all start seeing this as an abuse issue and laying all the blame where it lies (at teh foot of the abuser) - we will forever be going around in a sexist non productive cicrcle without a real solution.

thecharmed01 wrote:My 2c, any man who thinks it's ok to lay a hand on a woman for any reason is a coward and deserves everything he gets.
If you cannot exercise enough restraint to walk away then you need serious help.....
No matter what she looks like, women are not punching bags (even the really ugly ones) and are not built to withstand contact sports with men. Men are simply built stronger, so what they think "wasn't that hard really.....I'd hit a mate harder" can do a hell of a lot of damage. Not only physical either, and that makes them all that much more dangerous.
Women take on a lot more than a bruise..... it affects them emotionally, mentally and affects them for life.
One moment in a mans day, becomes a point in a womans life she will never, and can never forget. It will take her a long time to get past it. Thats not fair in any book....


From the other side, any man who allows a woman to browbeat him to the point where it is abuse in any form, mental, emotional or physical also needs just as much help......
If a man doesn't have enough self-esteem to remove himself from that situation, then he needs to see a counsellor and fast!

Man abouses woman, man needs help.

Woman abuses man, man needs help.

Get real. Any abuser needs to understand it is wrong and they need to stop, and with help if that is what it takes.

Anyone abused needs support and if necessary 'help'.

Well having read the latest news on Tony Veitch I'm not impressed.
http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/2 ... se-alleged

The guy would have my respect if he admitted to this stuff, acknowledged it is wrong, is unacceptable, and that he needs to do something about his inability to control his violent tendencies when under stress.

SlackBoy wrote:Most men aren't normally the victims of physical abuse by their spouses

This kind of pointed out a lot for me, I think most women aren't normally the victims of physical abuse either?

I know males and females on the receiving end. I guess that means I know people on the giving end of abuse too. Interesting the abuse of males on females I know of occured behind closed doors. The female abusing male was slapping and belittling in front of everybody. I am sad to hear of people dismissing any cases of abuse when someone has come to them, obviously, for some help/support.

I think we all agree, if you are looking at an abuse victim, they are more likely to be a female than a male.

But to me as well, abuse is non-gender specific. If you abuse someone, I can't condone that and I would always despise what you've done, male or female, average joe or famous.

What gets me is some people get off charges so easily. (don't get me on this Kahui bs) What Veitch did was disgraceful. The guy can't deny what he did. He is a coward for not owning up. He is less of a man IMO.

And, in a comment on his return to his job, the guy is flipping egotistical. He took what used to be a review show into being him interviewing other people. I think it is egotistical, and he is trying to build up his reputation again. It really grates with me. The guy, in his job, is a real digger for sensational headlines. What he did smashes into oblivion anything he discusses about sports.

I agree the victim in this case made a meal of it in the media, but so she should of. The only way this guy is going to pay is for us to remember how much less of a human being he is for what he did.

He's a giant douche, sure, but if he's done his time (or, erm, paid his fine or whatever his punishment from the judicial system was) then he's paid what he owes. He'll always be a giant douche, but he shouldn't be prevented from working.

happybaboon wrote:He's a giant douche, sure, but if he's done his time (or, erm, paid his fine or whatever his punishment from the judicial system was) then he's paid what he owes.

Specifically he paid 100k in hush money