Postby ThingOne on Fri 23/May/08 7:23am

Yep I remember the bleary eyes having to wake up 5 times a night when the baby starts crying and just thinking you cant go on.
Like you I have a lot of respect for single mums, A LOT of respect..
Those first few months can be very trying for parents and if you where alone. phew.

I was lucky enough to be in the position to to work for the first year when my Son was born, so a regular 2pm nap was my way, I still feel the urge to snooze most days around that time!.

The 2nd was way easier as you dont put so much pressure on yourself.

And if I was to give one piece of advice, and that is to get yor baby into a proper routine, ie Wake, Eat, Play, Sleep
And always do it the same.. And learn to just let the baby cry when they are trying to get to sleep, its just what babies do.

And also as a Dad, be proud...!
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Postby dented on Fri 23/May/08 7:25am

ThingOne wrote: .. And learn to just let the baby cry when they are trying to get to sleep, its just what babies do.

I agree when they get a bit older, but not for newborns
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Postby ThingOne on Fri 23/May/08 7:27am

dented wrote:
ThingOne wrote: .. And learn to just let the baby cry when they are trying to get to sleep, its just what babies do.

I agree when they get a bit older, but not for newborns


From about 3 months we started doing this, worked a treat.. If a baby is well fed, clean nappy and not sick..
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Postby BrokenKonaRider on Fri 23/May/08 9:41am

ThingOne wrote:
dented wrote:
ThingOne wrote: .. And learn to just let the baby cry when they are trying to get to sleep, its just what babies do.

I agree when they get a bit older, but not for newborns


From about 3 months we started doing this, worked a treat.. If a baby is well fed, clean nappy and not sick..


Sensitive topic this one. We used no-cry parenting for our first (and avoided using formula) - put huge strain on the marriage, on realtionships with our parents, our work and all other parts of our lives. We eventually had to teach him to go to sleep by himself at 10mths (took several nights of long crying spells - he was a strong little guy) as we just couldn't walk him around anymore.

#2 was much easier. Bottle feeding top-ups from the start, warm comfy cot, gets put in bed still awake - I guess we're just used to watching for tired signs. At 8mths he sleeps 2x6hrs in the night, and hardly ever crys. But then, he is a different soul from his big brother, and comparisons over sleep methods are completely inappropriate because of that.
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Postby sifter on Fri 23/May/08 9:58am

Kaitlyn was a pre-emptive caesarian, due to her lung malformation (she had 1/3 of her right lung surgically removed at 10 months - and still the Karapoti Challenge Tandem Champion, 2008 :love: ). I digress...

In any case, she came out a little underdone, and Jo's milk hadn't really come online, and so the first weeks were a struggle with feeding. Work was pretty flexible for me, so I spent a lot of time at home, but more important than the time, was getting stuck in being a parent, and sharing the load.

We tended to naturally divide up jobs - I was the nappy man, with my big old hands, and admiration for my child overcoming any sense of disgust at her output. Breastfeeding didn't go so well, so Jo spent a lot of time feeding, and expressing milk, then cleaning pump etc for next time. She was also had a bit of a housewife thing going on, and insisted on tidying shit up...

Discourage visitors, unless they are coming to vacuum, cook, clean, or to drop off gifts at the door, then leave. If they are good friends, they'll understand.

I got pretty good at changing nappy, delivering to Jo, or delivering bottle to mouth, without actually waking up. Maybe have the house nice and warm so that getting up is not too distressing on anyone. ENJOY the time you have with your child, and try to shut everything else out while you are alone with her. I am sure many of you will know of the close bond I have with Kaitlyn. I am sure this was formed very early on.

Don't freak out about noise - Kaitlyn seemed to be able to sleep through anything (when she actually slept).

Maybe most importantly, work out how you and your wife can best look after each other. Maybe get grandparents in for an couple of hours in the weekend so you can go get a coffee. Maybe dinner and movie not such a great idea at this stage.... DO make sure your wife can relax when the baby's not within her earshot. This fucked up my relationship...

Being a Dad is great Malcy - it's the rest that can suck from time to time... :)
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Postby ThingOne on Fri 23/May/08 10:11am

BrokenKonaRider wrote:
ThingOne wrote:
dented wrote:
ThingOne wrote: .. And learn to just let the baby cry when they are trying to get to sleep, its just what babies do.

I agree when they get a bit older, but not for newborns


From about 3 months we started doing this, worked a treat.. If a baby is well fed, clean nappy and not sick..


Sensitive topic this one. We used no-cry parenting for our first (and avoided using formula) - put huge strain on the marriage, on realtionships with our parents, our work and all other parts of our lives. We eventually had to teach him to go to sleep by himself at 10mths (took several nights of long crying spells - he was a strong little guy) as we just couldn't walk him around anymore.

#2 was much easier. Bottle feeding top-ups from the start, warm comfy cot, gets put in bed still awake - I guess we're just used to watching for tired signs. At 8mths he sleeps 2x6hrs in the night, and hardly ever crys. But then, he is a different soul from his big brother, and comparisons over sleep methods are completely inappropriate because of that.


As hard as it is, I firmly believe its best for the baby, babies ofton cry themselves to sleep its part of the cycle of sleep and going in a comforting them just starts the cycle again, leads for very sleepness nights.. I think this is a common mistake parents make and comes from a view that if a babies crying its in distress which I dont think is the case.

Parents often figure this one out on the 2nd child..
I cant claim credit for our first, my wife did a lot of research on the matter and bought a really great book about it.. I can find out the title if anyones interested. But it changed our lives!..
Our 2nd child was sleeping through the night from about 2 months from memory
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Postby ThingOne on Fri 23/May/08 10:17am

sifter wrote: Breastfeeding didn't go so well, so Jo spent a lot of time feeding, and expressing milk, then cleaning pump etc for next time.


We also had a bad time with the breastfeeding, both of our children just couldnt seem to do it right, And the pressure from plunket ( & society in general) was huge not to bottle feed..But in the end we didnt have much choice, so expressing became a way of life. We bought an electric pump to avoid RSI. Our kids went onto formula quite early as we just couldnt keep them full on breast milk.
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Postby sifter on Fri 23/May/08 10:20am

ThingOne wrote:
sifter wrote: Breastfeeding didn't go so well, so Jo spent a lot of time feeding, and expressing milk, then cleaning pump etc for next time.


We also had a bad time with the breastfeeding, both of our children just couldnt seem to do it right, And the pressure from plunket ( & society in general) was huge not to bottle feed..But in the end we didnt have much choice, so expressing became a way of life. We bought an electric pump to avoid RSI. Our kids went onto formula quite early as we just couldnt keep them full on breast milk.


In hindsight, we should have stopped earlier. It was really making Jo feel like a failure.
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Postby ThingOne on Fri 23/May/08 10:25am

sifter wrote:
ThingOne wrote:
sifter wrote: Breastfeeding didn't go so well, so Jo spent a lot of time feeding, and expressing milk, then cleaning pump etc for next time.


We also had a bad time with the breastfeeding, both of our children just couldnt seem to do it right, And the pressure from plunket ( & society in general) was huge not to bottle feed..But in the end we didnt have much choice, so expressing became a way of life. We bought an electric pump to avoid RSI. Our kids went onto formula quite early as we just couldnt keep them full on breast milk.


In hindsight, we should have stopped earlier. It was really making Jo feel like a failure.


I know exactly how you feel, Trudi was in serious pain, bleeding and like you said feeling like some sort of failure, but to her huge credit she just pushed on despite me telling her to stop. Very brave lady my wife. :love:
As soon as this started happening again with the 2nd, we just stopped straight away. Its also nice for the dads to to be able to bottle feed.. I really loved that..
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Postby sifter on Fri 23/May/08 10:30am

ThingOne wrote:
sifter wrote:
ThingOne wrote:
sifter wrote: Breastfeeding didn't go so well, so Jo spent a lot of time feeding, and expressing milk, then cleaning pump etc for next time.


We also had a bad time with the breastfeeding, both of our children just couldnt seem to do it right, And the pressure from plunket ( & society in general) was huge not to bottle feed..But in the end we didnt have much choice, so expressing became a way of life. We bought an electric pump to avoid RSI. Our kids went onto formula quite early as we just couldnt keep them full on breast milk.


In hindsight, we should have stopped earlier. It was really making Jo feel like a failure.


I know exactly how you feel, Trudi was in serious pain, bleeding and like you said feeling like some sort of failure, but to her huge credit she just pushed on despite me telling her to stop. Very brave lady my wife. :love:
As soon as this started happening again with the 2nd, we just stopped straight away. Its also nice for the dads to to be able to bottle feed.. I really loved that..


w0rd. We quickly got into the habit of one night-time feed each, which meant a decent amount of sleep all round...

Another tip just came to mind! We went for early bed time from the outset, like about 7pm. It meant we had an early feed for quite a while (3am or so), but at least we had the evenings to ourselves...
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Postby Oli on Fri 23/May/08 10:33am

LOL, we'll be scaring the crap out of poor Malcy! :D
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Postby sifter on Fri 23/May/08 10:39am

Not to mention all the future dads out there :lol:
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Postby Oli on Fri 23/May/08 10:41am

Lately whenever anyone of my friends even mentions the possibility of having kids I advise them strongly against it! :lol:
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Postby Flyboy on Fri 23/May/08 10:46am

sifter wrote: Not to mention all the future dads out there :lol:

Im still single, a loooooooooooong way off this situation; but after reading through out of idle curiosity- rather wished I hadnt :crazy:
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Postby ThingOne on Fri 23/May/08 10:49am

Having children is the best form of Contraception.
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