Joined: Dec 01, 2002 Posts: 4,650 Location: Windy Wellington
Posted: Thu 22nd May 10:06pm Post subject: Go The Dads!
Ok, so most know I'm a dad recently, first time arond.
Tis a nutty old time, and even with the two of us at home, it's a mission!!! I totally admire the single mums out there.
But for the dads, how did you get through the first few months? I am struggling a bit, and on the outside trying to keep it together for my partner, but the past 4 nights, only a few hours per night.
I am still working, and had the extra stress of an exam this week too. And still I truck on.
tihs Malcy, what can I say? You just have to hold firm to the fact that it does get better, and it's all about the baby at first.
Also, I don't want to be condescending, but always remember that no matter how tough it is for you, it's tougher for the mum...
And learn to nap when you can - it's amazing how even 20 minute micro-sleeps can re-invigorate you.
Do you guys have a good support network? If so, USE THEM.
ALL new parents think they have to do it all on their own, and that's parc. If there's help there take it. Seriously. Even if it's just Auntie Ethel bringing you some lasagna to save you cooking for a night. (Bless you, John!)
Joined: Dec 01, 2002 Posts: 4,650 Location: Windy Wellington
Posted: Thu 22nd May 10:17pm Post subject:
Thanks bud.
Yeah, we have a great bunch of friends around, and I know Kaye's doing it tougher than me. We greatfully had a wonderful friend come over for about 4 hours last night to help us out.
I'm not a very good chap without the old sleep thing, so that's nailing me, but seeing Kaye last night, tears in her eyes, me feeling so wasted, baby still crying? Wow. So I did the staying up with CJ, and let Kaye sleep.
First couple of months are definitely tough. From my perspective, its like you're doing so much work, but not getting much in return.
Everything changes once the baby begins to smile, you cant believe how that can light a whole room up, and feel like it makes up for all the hard work.
With both mine, there came a time (8 weeks for 1, 11 weeks for the other), when its like a switch has literally been thrown. They suddenly realise the difference between day and night, and that one is for sleeping. They also become a lot more happier and settled when they are awake. For the first bit, its like they are either crying or feeding or sleeping.
Oli's right about the micro sleeps. I (still) catch a quick nap while waiting at a red light sometimes. Only do it when there is a car in line behind, I find they are always kind enough to beep when its time to go
That's a very good point, Dents. Once the initial couple of months have passed and you find yourself actually interacting with your baby is a revelation - all of a sudden it becomes crystal clear why you are the parent of this child, and it all seems worthwhile...
Don't get complacent, though. Before you know it they are teenagers stealing your rum.
Joined: Aug 07, 2007 Posts: 454 Location: Tauranga
Posted: Thu 22nd May 10:45pm Post subject:
I learned to sleep through almost anything early in life. This has proved to be an invaluable skill.
As much as she hates to admit it, my wife has admitted that there's not much point to me getting up in the middle of the night. I don't lactate, and she doesn't want our little boy using bottle for as long as we can manage, so I can't really do anything for him, and get to sleep through. Even still, I'm getting 6 hours if I'm lucky, as I get home from work, help with our 4 year old, and when Kristy goes to sleep I sort out all my paperwork and clean up the kitchen and stuff.
Joined: Nov 13, 2005 Posts: 4,574 Location: Loving LA
Posted: Thu 22nd May 11:11pm Post subject:
The first 3 months or so are hard but once your through that it gets a whole lot easier. Get a routine going and stick to it, bubs will soon work it out. Tell mum to sleep when bubs sleeps. That alone will help her heaps. My problem was I could never sleep through feeds when I needed to as I felt guilty, get over it. Sleep when you can, as Oli says 20 mins can make all the difference. Oh another important tip, try not to take plunket people to seriously as I think they take joy in making you feel bad. Listen to what mum thinks as she will mostly be right.
The fun starts when they start going to play dates or even better daycare. You will pick up ever cold bug known to man. Every dad I have spoken to says the same.
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