Postby Dazzle on Sun 23/Oct/05 3:31am

Domino (2005)
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The movie so bad Keira Knightly's stunt nipples could not save it
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There is two and half hours of my life I will not get back
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Director Tony Scott must suck a mean dick to convince all the talent and financial backers that this was a good idea.
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It was Friday night and I wanted a big braindead movie to see, this fit the description to a 't'.

Story - Domino Harvey is a former model, hi society girl and troubled teenager who desides she likes kicking arse so much she up and becomes a bounty hunter. This leads to lots of pouting, a reality tv program and a convaluted tripple cross of blood, guns and violance.

The whole 'based on a true story - soft of' advertising campaign comes from there realy was a Domino, with a movie actor father and super model mother, who became a bounty hunter and claimed to have been a model (no proof has been forthcoming), but that is about as far as that goes. Supposedly Tony Scott spent a decade trying to bring her story to the big screen, before getting the script nailed and producing this.

I have no idea of who considers this to be a 'nailed' script. Its a huge mess of a nonsense story, stunt casting, back and forwards pretentious arse, rock video tripping and a truely awful performance from Kiera. Her range goes from 'pout' to 'scream' back to 'pout' again. She makes a real model turned actress like Estella Warren look like Oscar material.

Its not all bad. Its not quite 'Guy Ritchie has his head so far up his own arse he can see his own wisdom teeth "Revolver" ' bad. Well maybe it is, there were more walk outs for this than for Revolver. hmm.

Positives: At times it looks and sounds absolutely fucking gorgious. Micky Rourke comes out of his role with his dignity intact. (Who would of thought we would have thought that fire years ago?) Christopher Walken earns his probable Tony Scott blow job, six figure paycheque for two days work by providing some comedy and soundbites to brighten things up.

If you want something big, loud and stupid you might, maybe, possibly, like this. Otherwise prepare to have your IQ reduced and take a paper bag to wear over your head, incase someone recognises you leaving the cinema.
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Postby Dazzle on Tue 25/Oct/05 12:48pm

Corpse Bride (2005)
vs.
Wallace and Grommit: Curse of the Wererabbit (2005)

Short story - Corpse looks absolutely splendid on the big screen, lots of sublety, but is basicly a dark fairy tale or fable, where as Wererabbit is realy realy fun mix of Wallace and Grommitism's and moments that could have come directly from many many classic movies (Temple of Doom, King Kong, Frankenstien, Tremors come to mind) and comes highly recommended.
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Postby Dazzle on Sat 12/Nov/05 5:35am

I've seen a HEAP of movies (yay London Film Festival) and am hopelessly behind in reviews - but here is one that needs repeating cos its just made it to NZ. Damn good movie. :thumbsup:
Dazzle wrote:'Serenity' (2005)

Best gnikcuf sci-fi film in god knows how long. This is the true 'Han Solo - the early years' prequel that a thousand George Lucas hacks at a thousand keyboards for a thousand years could never produce. You know, the REAL Han Solo, fires first on unfriendly green guys, leader of the pack on a barely functional space ship and sticking it to the Evil Empire and not yet pussed out and sappy for Lukes coked up sister.

NZ wont get this till November, but if your an original untampered Star Wars / Empire Strikes back fan, book your tickets, get in line opening night and just gnikcuf enjoy. Don't bother reading any more of this.

But hey, want to see the first 9 minutes for free, legaly, online?
http://video.vividas.com/CDN1/3929_Sere ... index.html


So whats the slightly spoiler related stuff to provide some background?

So, some guy with a bit of sitcom writing experience breaks through in Hollywood and actualy gets a feature film sold, and even more miraclulously it actualy gets produced, and.... it more or less sucked (although having Peewee Herman in any movie prevents it from completely sucking). He followed that up by contributing to a little movie called 'Toy Story', then somehow getting his sucky original movie turned into a TV series, the little series that could, that survived poor ratings and being kicked off one network to become the cult cash cow 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'.
He gets himself another Tv series, a sci-fi with a lived in world/cowboy/eastern twist. It bombs, cancelled, kicked off to dvd where it sells a fair few copies to its fanboy base. A movie gets okayed, the studio liked the early cut so much they threw a bunch more money at it and pushed the release date back WAY back to polish and promote it.

So - do you have to know anything about the tv series to understand the movie? - nope, all you need to know is covered early on. Some of the characters have previous history, but its all spelt out quickly and intelegently.

The crew of the bucket of bolts Serenity (Millenium Falcon) pick out a slightly criminal existance on the Western like outer fringes of the galaxy(Tantooine) while trying to avoid the attentions of the Empire. Unbeknownest to them, the girl they have with them is an accident waiting to happen (Buffy to the power of three), and is being pursued by a relentless tall black fellow who is rather good with a sword (Vader).

The 'lived in world' looks great, the cowboy/eastern flavour works realy well, its very funny where it needs to be funny, spectactular when the action kicks in and has one of the best bad guys I have seen in a long time.

Enough ranting from me. Damn good movie. Now pass the pop corn.
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Postby Henry Dorset Case on Sat 12/Nov/05 3:02pm

Dazzle wrote:I've seen a HEAP of movies (yay London Film Festival) and am hopelessly behind in reviews - but here is one that needs repeating cos its just made it to NZ. Damn good movie. :thumbsup:
Dazzle wrote:'Serenity' (2005)

Best gnikcuf sci-fi film in god knows how long. This is the true 'Han Solo - the early years' prequel that a thousand George Lucas hacks at a thousand keyboards for a thousand years could never produce. Y

<snip>

Damn good movie. Now pass the pop corn.


I agree with this wholeheartedly, I have a couple of minor gripes (some plot holes you notice after (was River on the planet? if so where was Simon? what about the fortune he had and spent where did he get it?)... but GOD DAMN!!

iT LOOKS FABULOUS, the crew are great, the bad guys genuinely frightening, and the dynamic between the good and bad guys really well done.

GO SEE THIS!!

ITS ON TONIGHT....


Hey Daz, did you see 3 iron? (Korean flim I absolutely adored at the film festival)
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Postby mtbrat on Sun 13/Nov/05 10:19pm

I wanna see it!!!!


looks great
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Postby Dazzle on Wed 30/Nov/05 2:15pm

oh - so very very very very behind on this thread, here goesa few of em:

The Dukes of Hazzard (2005) - big dumb fun - they actualy explain a lot of things, why the flag, why so good driving off road, why the roscoe never just busts them for the moonshine, who they sell the moonshine to. They only thing not explicitly stated is the bow and arrow thing is because they are on probation and firearms would put them back in the slammer. The introduction of the General is near pornographic, the driving section around Atlanta with the southern rock blaring was awesome (and needed to be much longer) and the big dumb idiots they cast in lead parts did their jobs. :thumbsup: Bonus points for casting Willie and Burt as well as a real nasty pitbull Roscoe. Roll on the sequeals.

40 Year Old Virgin (2005) Funny, Filthy, heartfelt. Kind of like the original American Pie, accept better, and filthier. Gets a bit preachy towards the end, but well, I can forgive it. Recommended.

A History Of Violence (2005) Great story, great acting, lots of open ended things to ponder as you leave, or if you just want to put you mind in neutral it has fast violence and non hollywood blunt sexual situations. :thumbsup: Cronenberg has lots of short little quiet but gurgling moments after the violence that I admire greatly. Recommended.

Kung Fu Hustle (2004) - Saw it again on UK dvd - I am sure the dub job was different, and far more fast-talk-chinglish-crap. :hmmm: Still an awersome awesome movie, the best Stephen Chow esqe Stephen Chow movie. Recommended, but you missed out if you didnt see it on the big screen.

MurderBall (2005) Documentary about wheelchair rugby players. Pretty much steps right aside the 'poor disability feel good as they triumph against all odds' shit and goes straight to real people, who happen to be drinking womanising jocks, who happen to be in wheelchairs. Learn how paraplegics have sex (and tips on how to use the towel to hang on), see serious rivalries ('how does it feel to betray your country?') and have a couple of laughs along the way. Check it out if you have a chance, although it might be slightly cut for tv. :huh:

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005) a bastard child offspring of Leathal Weapon and Pulp fiction. Pity the trailer cuts out the filth. Who would have thought urine and corpses could be so funny? Pity it tanked at the box office - saw it on one of Londons biggest screens, and the theatre was practicaly empty - those who made the effort laughed like maniacs and had a good time. recommended.

Into the Blue (2005) - Paul Walker and Jessica Alba (depending on which side your bread is buttered) wear praticaly nothing and spend as much time as possible swimming around look hawt. Was a pretty average diving for treasure movie, until the last 20 minutes then things got surprisingly better with some blood, tension and menace :thumbsup: , before being let down with an overly cgi-tastic ending. :huh: And no, no nipples beyound raisin smuggling - they tease the nipples dammit!

Land of the Dead (2005) - FINALY a zombie sequel from the Zombie master. As usual lots of political subtext, slow walking zombie hoards and a few shocks to give the couples in the back seats a reason to get closer. I was going to have a big rant about all Four 'Dead' movies (not including the remake or the sequel to the remake that is coming) but meh - recommended. Its done well enough a sequel is apprently greenlit. :thumbsup:

Saw II - bigger budget + longer shooting schedule + 2nd time writers = much better than Saw. Has the twists, the blood and the cringing moments fans of the original will demand. Saw III is already in pre production.

Oh, prepare for more not safe for tv antics - Jackarse II has been greenlit as well. :paranoid:
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Postby Dazzle on Sun 4/Dec/05 3:02pm

Transporter 2 (2005)
French producer writer + english tough guy star + hong kong kung fu legend stunt co ordinator = a stylized fetish action movie with little regard for reality, let alone logic. But hey, leather, panties, guns, nurses outfits, stiletto heels, eyeball licking, supercars, kung fu arse kicking is good enough in my book for an evenings mindless fun. But be warned, for something that goes all out for kink it is amazingly sexless and chaste. Stupid americans, beating each other to a bloody pulp is fine but nipples is a no no. :huh: Just about makes up for Jason Statham's other movie this year, the shitacular 'Revolver'. Sequels please, overloaded with euro kink. :thumbsup:

upcoming wannabe fetishistic movie goodness:
http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pict ... evolution/

Garden State (2004) - very good, funny but very talky. Zach Braff Writes, Directs and Stars in a very nice little wierd trip down the 'so whats this life thing realy all about' line of thought. His character has been on meds since age 9, and has to return home and deal with family issues and the druggie/weirdo friends he left behind. And gee, life must realy suck when you can direct yourself making out with Natalie Portman. :huh: Recommended.

Doom (2005) Not as bad as the trailer would lead you to believe. Basicly a low rent 'Aliens', dumb, lots of cgi and aliens. Set your sights very low and you may well have a good time. From what I recall of the original video game Doom from 1993 this would be a prequel, explaining the going to Mars to find out what happened to the last crew of Marines.
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Postby Dazzle on Mon 5/Dec/05 5:21am

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
Best Burton movie I've seen in ages, yet another damaged freak role from Depp, recommended.
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Postby E Dogg Capizzle on Mon 5/Dec/05 8:10am

Seen the four minute preview from King Kong, Dazzle? I'm thinking it's going to be very good. :)
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Postby Dazzle on Mon 5/Dec/05 9:19am

I've seen a number of different trailers - the one they put on opening night SW EpIII and a couple of longer ones, but nothing as long as 4 minutes.

I already know its gonna look good, have good acting and top notch FX. The only real question is how it will hold up when your esra is 3 hours in with half an hour to go - beign a 3 hour movie with a probable 25minutes of advertisiing and trailers on the start.

Interesting also will be how it compares to the original King Kong script PJ & FW did before he got taken off the project (Godzilla from Sony was going to beat it to the box office, so production was halted and PJ went after LOTR rights via Miramax). There is a copy floating around online that reads like Indiana Jones and the Big Ape from Skull Island.

Harry Potter 4 (2005) - thought I'd give it a chance as it was supposed to be all dark and brooding and not just a kiddie movie. But it was just a kiddie movie, and merely okay.
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Postby E Dogg Capizzle on Mon 5/Dec/05 9:29am

Dazzle wrote:Interesting also will be how it compares to the original King Kong script PJ & FW did before he got taken off the project (Godzilla from Sony was going to beat it to the box office, so production was halted and PJ went after LOTR rights via Miramax). There is a copy floating around online that reads like Indiana Jones and the Big Ape from Skull Island.


Some spoilers:

Apparently they removed all the reflexive post-modern winking at the camera stuff from the orignal script, and the shooting script was far more conventional in tone, which is a good move I think. They don't get to Skull Island until an hour into the movie, and most of that time is spent in character development. The four minute clip involved Ann Darrow and Kong watching a sunset together and bonding! Very well done. :)
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Postby Dazzle on Mon 5/Dec/05 9:35am

What I recall of the original script had a jeep chase with Kong that read exactly like an Indiana Jones sequel.

For contrast, I'm probably off to see 'Meet the Feebles' on the big screen this week. :)
Heres hopping lots of LOTR fans show up to see a PJ movie not knowing what they are in for.
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Postby E Dogg Capizzle on Mon 5/Dec/05 9:37am

I'm am Gorilla, hear me roar.
kong.jpg
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Postby Dazzle on Mon 5/Dec/05 9:40am

edog choking the lizard - not something i need to see again.
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Postby E Dogg Capizzle on Mon 5/Dec/05 5:36pm

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